Friday, April 17, 2015

when lizards attack

i hate snakes.
wait, i thought this was a post about lizards?!?
hold on...i'm getting there.
i know you're all on the edge of your seats

i hate snakes.
my fear is out of control and completely irrational. i know this.
but, it's there and i hate them.

now, lizards.
i don't mind them as much.
but they are just tiny snakes with legs
and are equally sneaky and quiet.
but, i don't run in fear of them. 

we have a new deck on the back of our house.
and lizards have made it their home.
when we play on the deck, i see at least 2 lizards.

i am trying to overcome my fear of all things quiet and slithery so that my children are not like me.
so, when we see a lizard..i'm all, "look at that cool lizard, Judson. Let's go catch it!"
(please run away, lizard!)
"aw man, Judson. that one got away" (hallelujah!)
i'm so tough.

so, yesterday. 
Judson wanted to go on the deck to play.
 Townes needed to go down for a nap.
 i left the back door open so that i could watch/listen for Judson.
after a few minutes, i go outside to check on JR.
turn to walk back inside, and yes... yes a lizard is inside my house, staring at me. 
i am trapped. on the deck.
looking in my home that has been overtaken by this lizard.

of course, i call GT. who was at work and can do nothing to help me, but he needed to know.
"GT, there is a giant reptile in our house!"
GT: "well, get it out" 
well, that would be great, except NO FREAKING WAY.
not happening.

needing to do something besides stare and quiver, i reach for Judson stick horse and start probing at the lizard.
he moves and i overreact slightly.
screaming, dancing, the whole obnoxious nine-yards.
enter Woodrow.

here's a little back story.
Woodrow likes to chase lizards.
he has been chasing this particular lizard (the one that is holding me hostage) for about a week.
we watch the hunt every afternoon.
it's quite entertaining

so, when this ever-elusive lizard is in our house and appears to be paralyzed by the fact...Woodrow zeroes in like a sniper.
he attacks it with ferocity.
it was intense.
i start screaming again.
Woodrow snatches it up in his mouth and i yell at him to get outside.
and he does, because he is awesome.

by this point both of the boys are laughing. like a deep belly laugh.
i'm still on the phone with GT, who is laughing as well.
i'm not laughing.

since that incident, Woodrow has caught and murdered 2 more lizards.
it's disgusting, but awesome.
for a 110 pound lab who was has cancer, that dude is incredibly stealthy and agile.
there are a million reasons why i hope he lives forever, but the number 1 reasons, as of today...
to kill all the lizards.

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